between delusion and prophecy
ad astra per aspera, annus mirabilis.
*i used to have a "this blogger is...[x]-positive" thing here, listing things i support and post frequently about, except i realized that it was akin to a disclaimer, and i don't want to issue warnings about myself.
so instead, hey: this blog often contains unapologetic support of a spectrum of aspects of the human condition. you can deal with it or see your way out.
troll(s) under my bridge
THIS BLOG MAY AT TIMES CONTAIN MATERIAL THAT IS NSFW.
TL;DR — hi. i’m charlie. i’m 18. that’s it.
* just a disclaimer— if you wish to know the truth, it is this: i am a person with ridiculously high expectations and exceedingly low self-esteem and this is often the cause of petty problems between me and other people, and i highly recommend you commit this fact to memory before associating yourself with me. thank you.
concerning credit: if something is ‘mine’ i will say so; otherwise, i do not claim anything posted on this blog as my own.
this is not unabridged, but you can read it anyways:
- i never know what to write in these things, but damn, do i love to write them.
- apparently, i like to go off on tangents, so congratulations if you get through reading this.
- i am told i can be pretty sarcastic.
- i like being part of fandoms or esotericism in general.
- i’m really into grammar. also i like word-play and puns and stuff of that nature. and languages.
- i like the internet. a lot, actually. i think the biggest reason for this is that i really value connections. have you ever thought about all the connections you make (and all those existing that you alter) with people throughout the course of a day? even just locking eyes with a stranger for a moment is a connection. it’s always interesting, to me, thinking about all the things you could learn from a person by that simple a moment. i like how the internet allows you to make so many more connections in one sitting than you probably could in a year’s time. i like making long-distance friends; i think life is too short not to and it’s a nice excuse for travel. (i really love travel).
- adding on to that tangent, i really like being on chatroulette or omegle video because you’re suddenly letting thousands of people (and, unfortunately often, their dicks) from all over the world connect with you and simultaneously, they are letting you (however briefly) connect with them. [THE POSSIBILITIES ARE, LIKE, ENDLESS.] it sounds really fucking cheesy describing it that way because i lack the ability to come up with a better word than “connect” and it sounds like some soul-searching shit but it isn’t. it’s just… nice.
- i like reading and i like hoarding books. i don’t really know how i’d describe my tastes, but definitely fiction over nonfiction.
- i over-analyze things.
- because i over-analyze things, i easily find fault. because i easily find fault, i dislike a lot of things, and people, including (and sometimes even especially) the people i like.
- but especially people with a serious case of special snowflake syndrome.
- i’m just judgmental. but i rarely believe in my own judgment.
- i like distractions from the Truth.
- i like the idea of decay. it’s fascinating. i say “idea” because i think of it in a romantic/distant way. (obviously rotting flesh wouldn’t be appealing in person).
- i like maps and anchors.
- i have a collection of glass bottles and jars.
- i am very disorganized.
- i like a wide range of music. i really wish i were better versed in the proper terminology for the genres or the eras.
- i really don’t like when people pick on others for not being a “true fan” of something because they haven’t met certain bullshit requirements like “seen them live, own at least 10 pieces of merch” whatever the fuck else. or maybe it’s because i’m not as emotionally/psychologically invested in bands as… well…
- i’m not really emotionally/physiologically invested in anything really… bands/musicians, authors, movies, television series… even things i am a HUGE fan of, there’s always going to be someone else who’s an even BIGGER fan, who knows the entire story, every detail, from creation to every passing moment, as tweeted. i’m not that. i feel i can’t ever be.
- as ironic/hypocritical as this point will be, it must be said: i don’t like using the pronoun “I” so often. it makes me feel selfish and rude. i think i mostly got that from my japanese class, during which we were taught that the pronoun “watashi” is generally left out because it is implied after you’ve said it once, and it sounds more polite than repeating “I, I, I” throughout your entire spiel.
this entire point has deeper implications concerning my mental health, whichi am omitting byconveniently ending this here.
concerning my sexuality and gender identity;
“I wanna grow into something none of us has ever seen before and gender is just one of the ways we are boxed in and labeled before they’re ever able to speak who we dream we are, who we believe we become. Like drum beats forever changing their rhythm, I am living today as someone I have not yet become yesterday and tonight I will borrow only pieces of who I was today to carry with me to tomorrow. No, I’m not gay. No, I’m not straight, and I’m sure as hell not bisexual, damnit. I am whatever I am when I am it. Loving whoever you are when the stars shine and whoever you be when the sun rises. Yes, I like girls. Yes, I like boys. Yes I like boys who like boys, I like girls who wear toys and girls who don’t. Girls who don’t call themselves girls, crew cuts or curls or that really bad hair phase in between.”
(excerpt from Andrew by Andrea Gibson)
some old urls:
other blogs i has: