do you remember when we were on cam with each other and you found your hitclips thing and you tried to turn it on and it went all demons-trying-to-enter-the-mortal-realm and we laughed so hard i didn’t think we’d ever not be friends
i don’t think you remember any of the things i remember
and i don’t know why we don’t fit together like we used to
but it’s been so long that even “like we used to” is hard to remember
but i’ve tried
at first i kind of thought you were just trying to upset me for some reason? for whatever i did? but it’s been so long
like most of the time we’ve known each other feels like it’s been me trying to make things the way they were
and that’s not right
but like i don’t want to let go
even though i know it probably wouldn’t matter to you anymore
and it’d be a relief maybe despite what you’d say because i am well aware of how childish and clingy and needy i’ve been — even this post is way too fucking long— and how i’ve been going about “fixing” things in the most stupid and counterproductive way you can try to fix a thing.
and i want to leave you alone you know!!!
i just don’t work that way!!
and i wish i could be like hey we need to talk and this is what i think and tell you these things because this is exactly what i’d say but you’d give me some fucking minimalistic answer using the least amount of words possible. it feels like the only way i can get you to pay attention is by being all dramatic.
you don’t fucking care anymore i can tell
and i’m so used to missing you but i don’t even know what about being friends with you back then i miss
i know it’s never coming back especially with your lack of enthusiasm for anything having to do with our friendship or lack thereof
but i’m so accustomed to having you around
even if most of this time i’ve just felt neglected
and most of the time i think you’re an absolute piece of shit
i can’t let go
i wish you’d just say something
like say something for real
about how you feel on the matter
so i can know what i should be doing to deal with this bullshit